


Messages To A Younger Hawke

by LostyK



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Other, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:03:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4041511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostyK/pseuds/LostyK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time you think it, it will terrify you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Messages To A Younger Hawke

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Anders positive week on tumblr

The first time you think it, it will terrify you.

It will not be dramatic, nothing like the revelations that the bards sing about. It will sneak up on you, and one day you will think about him and you will think it.

It will terrify you, because you will not know where it will lead. You will wonder if he could ever feel the same way, and you will wonder if he has time to feel the same, and you will wonder if you will lose him the way you have lost too many people already.

You will not ask yourself why him. The answer will be obvious.

 

  
The second time, you will think it in the heat of battle.

You will glance over at him, and it will not just be him standing there. It will be him and something else, something greater that you have glimpsed before but never really noticed until now. Their skin will be lined with cracks, as if their body is not enough to contain the might of the two of them. They will look beautiful, and you will think it.

You will think it again, after the battle, when you see that he is safe.

 

  
You will think it on his bad days, on the days when he hates himself, and when it is hard for him just to exist.

You will say it to him, but not directly. You will tell him that you are there for him, that he is not alone, and you will tell him that he is good,  that he is better than he will ever realise. You will tell him until you think he begins to believe it, and then you will continue to tell him, because he still needs to hear it.

 

  
You will begin to think that he thinks it about you, and you will see it terrify him the way it terrified you.

You will try to tell him that it is okay, that you feel the same way and that you want it, and he will listen, eventually.

 

  
He will talk to you about freedom, and changing the world, and you will think it.

He will start writing his manifesto in your house, and you will smile and ask him to read it to you. When he speaks he will look as beautiful as he does in battle, and you will long to kiss him, and you will think it.

He will tell you about how he's been helping people who feel like he does, people who believe in freedom as strongly as him, and you will think it.

 

  
The first time he kisses you, your heart will stutter inside your chest.

He will tell you that _this will be a disaster_ and _we could die tomorrow_ , and you will think it, and you will want it. You will want it all, even the bad days that make you want to scream.

You will whisper it to each other that night, trading the words back and forth the way you used to share gossip.

You will run your hands over the areas of his skin where the fade seemed to leak out. You will look into his eyes and see the spirit within, and you will whisper it to the parts of them both that they cannot say it to.

 

  
He will say it to you when your world comes crashing down, and it will not just be him.

He will say it when you cannot say it back, and they will all remind you that you are not alone, and you will need them.

You will still have a family in Kirkwall, even if it isn't the one you are born with, and you will feel like you won't be happy again, but you will be happy.

 

  
You will not dare to say it as you go into battle, but you will think it anyway.

You will not hesitate before the battle; you will fight to protect this city and it will tear you apart.

When the fight is done, then you will say it, along with _I'm okay_ and _I'm still here_ and _you won't lose me_.

 

  
There will be ash in the air and the city will be on the brink of war and you will be unsure what you should be feeling, and it will be a protest when you realise what they want you to do.

He will tell you to kill him and you will whisper _no, never_ and when he looks at you it will be written on his face.

He should not love you for that, but he will.

 

  
There will be days, after that, when it will not be easy to think it, but you will think it anyway.

There will be many days when it will be a mantra in your head. Days when the two of you are being hunted, when you have to fight for your survival. On those days, you will repeat it to yourself, clinging on to the words because you will be terrified that this will be the last time you will be able to think it in present tense.

Do not be frightened; you will think it for many more years.


End file.
